Warning signs

“#5. Behavior Change – You may begin to change the daily routine that you developed in early sobriety that helped you replace your compulsive behaviors with healthy alternatives. You might begin to practice avoidance or become defensive in situations that call for an honest evaluation of your behavior. You could begin using poor judgment and causing yourself problems due to impulsive behavior without thinking things through.”

Remember the quote about an alcoholic being someone who finds something that works and then stops doing it? Think of alcoholism as King Alcohol. As it says in the book, alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful. It’s a grave mistake to underestimate its power.

For me, it was like that old cartoon where I had a little devil on one shoulder and a little angel on the other. They’re both talking at once! In AA, they’re asking me to be honest, pray, come to 90 in 90, call my sponsor every day, etc. It’s been working so far, so why am I feeling like this? Well, it’s a rebellion of sorts. As an alcoholic, I’m a bit of a know-it-all.
Shocking, I know. I don’t like to be told what to do, because I already know everything. Maybe I’ve been beaten into submission by the consequences of my drinking, but now I’m starting to feel better. So I’m thinking I’m not that bad off, after all. King Alcohol is whispering in my ear that this AA junk is for the birds and I don’t need it! That little voice sure is convincing; it knows just what to say to me.

When I stop doing the things that work, my sponsor and sober friends will probably call me on it. Have you prayed today? “Sure!” I lie. “I can’t make it to the meeting, I’m sick.” Another lie. “I have a legitimate reason to enter the bar; I have to meet my friend there.” Here’s my personal favorite: “All this AA stuff makes me want to drink even MORE because we’re always talking about it!” That’s a good one. I’ve heard it plenty. “AA is making things WORSE!” What this really means is that AA is making things worse for King Alcohol, so he’s trying to regain control. Ask yourself: who am I listening to? My Higher Power, or my alcoholism?

Just be aware that this can happen to any of us as newcomers. Now you can recognize it and not fall for the King’s lies. This is a pretty common phase of our recovery. If it happens, don’t be offended if we smile, because we’ve been there, too. It will pass. Be honest, speak up, keep doing what is suggested, and you’ll get through it. As Children of God, we no longer bow before King Alcohol. You are on the right path. It’s not easy, but things will get better!
It works, it really does.